Friday, July 13, 2012

And You Thought You Were Nice

 First published on YouFLYMag

There’s something about committed romantic relationships that just bring out the best (and worst!) in you. Romantic because that’s the closest you’ll ever get to another human being. Committed because somehow you’ve gone past the stage of thriving on impressions and fantasies; you’re living the real thing. That’s when you notice the awkward way he laughs, or the annoying way she chews her food. You become less patient with her inability to keep to time like you did when you just wanted to impress her and seem accommodating. You’re angry, you’re arguing, and refusing to let little things slip by. Congratulations! Now you’re in a relationship.

If you’re like me, you start to feel like an unwilling little monster and you wonder where the real you went. You probably have always thought of yourself as nice, sweet, easy going, understanding and really accommodating. And maybe you are. It’s just that you never imagined that you’d have any ‘issues’ with the love of your life. After all you get along well with everyone else at the office and at home; you’re even nice to strangers and everybody talks about what an amazing person you are!

Why can’t your relationship be less demanding?

Well, it’s something I call the law of proximity. The closer it is to you the less patience you have to deal with it. You just do not expect that such crude behaviour be exhibited by someone so close and dear to you. This is further heightened by the fact that you’re in each other’s faces most of the time. And of course there’s that connection and chemistry that somehow demands better.

Relax, really, it’s normal.
Well, almost.

If you’re fighting over everything and can’t see eye to eye about anything (how did ya’ll hook up in the first place?) you may have to critically appraise the whole thing.

But if you’re sincerely both giving your best but still see those flaws, you’re just human. The truth is there isn’t any such thing as sunshine, roses and loving all the time. Well, yes, you love your partner no matter what but the ‘feeling’ of love doesn’t really have a mind of its own. It’s simple; you ‘feel’ more loving towards your beau when he’s on his best behaviour. You ‘feel’ like giving your sweetheart a warm hug when she’s just a real good girl. But then she gets cranky or upset about the plates you left unwashed since last night and you ‘feel’ like storming out and hanging with the boys. Or he forgets your appointment and you ‘feel’ like giving him the silent treatment. Get the point?

It is life’s way of forcing you to grow in your relationship. Looking at life through rose coloured glasses doesn’t do anybody any good. You’re going be living with a real person the rest of your life not some Barbie doll that’s never going to change, fart, or annoy you. And yes he won’t always do everything right.

It is the way of the world. We adjust, we understand, we compromise, we love, we care, we fight, we make up, we live…

 If not, then what’s the point?



Vyvyka said...

Exactly! what is the point? I think when we have it at the back of our minds that this person has also got some flaws, it makes life easier when these flaws begin to manifest. Rather than getting angry and all that, you find a way around it. Everyone has got their strengths and weaknesses

Jennifer Abayowa said...

Yes, very true. The moment we realize that love is deeper than emotions, we will start to get it. Emotions are flimsy, they change depending on how we feel 'in the moment' (based on if he's done something right of wrong). But love goes deeper. Love is long-suffering, never gives up.

RemiRoy said...

@Vyvyka i totally agree. We all have strengths and weaknesses. finding creative ways to work around them and keep the peace is paramount. Thanks for coming.

RemiRoy said...

@Jennifer, you're on point. Love is NOT equal to emotions. We overrate our feelings and it always complicates issues.



RemiRoy said...

Hi Priscilla! Thanks for reading. Glad you came. Thanks!